Tuesday, January 17, 2012

CLL/SLL - Where I have been

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q0pOA5Ihj4&feature=related

The above video tells you a basic over view of what has been going on in our world.

 The above video tells you a basic over view of what has been going on in our world.

After me having 3 surgeries and being found cancer free (wooohooo) We got the news that blindsides you on a wednesday afternoon. Maybe it was a Tuesday. Doesn't much matter when it was. He came home from the Dr and said honey we need to talk. He had already been to his regular physician and this was with a Oncologist. He said "Honey, I have leukemia." That day our world changed forever. Never would I have ever thought I would see my husband bundled up on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him even covering his head but this is life now as I know it.

He didn't say the "C" word at all at first. He really wouldn't say Leukemia. He would say CLL with no problem at all. I think because he couldn't deal with it at first. It wasn't real. We both started doing searches on the net on what this would mean. To me it means this this is something that will never really go away, this is our new reality. We will be visiting an Oncologist for the rest of our lives. Does this mean a death sentence NO. Not at all. Do we cherish everything a little bit more yes, indeed we do! Can he say the word cancer now yes.

Counts, Lyphnodes, biopsy, markers, indicators,  Fludarabine, Cytoxan, &Rituxan are Buzz words in our house now.

Good things that have come out of this I have to say are that we are closer as a family. Bernie just completed his 5th round of Chemo. Or mouse juice as he and his other CLL'ers like to call it.  I am not one to remember all the technical terms and I am not hear to preach about it. This is our life as I know it.
We have done pretty well. I am amazed by the strength my husband has. He is truly an amazing man.

Nausea - Yep
Low Energy - Yep Got that too
Hair Loss - Yep a little of that to but he didn't have a lot to begin with so hard to tell if that is really from the chemo or not.

I am a very lucky woman in all of this. I am truly blessed in the man the Lord picked for me when I finally listened.

Something I have learned in all of this about us.

I am stronger then I ever thought I could be. So is he!
Finacially we can make it on a lot less then we thought we could.
Love is good when it is right and it makes you stronger then you will ever know.
God must trust in me a lot because he only gives us as much as we can handle.

In all of the ups and downs of my darling man going through days of chemo and feeling sick and sleeping more then he ever thought it was possible I have realized one thing. I am not in control he isn't either. God is in control and he will help us navigate through this crazy life we are in right now and he will be there through all of the joys and tears. The statement Let go and Let God I used to think oh who can actually do that. How can they just give it all up to him. You know what God has taught through all of this that I can. Thats right! Me I can go through all of this and have the power to get up everyday and to face all of this head on because I have no control over it. He does its in his hands.  Now I am not saying that I am perfect in this. I fall apart. I fall on my knees and I question, I yell and I scream at him when I am at my weakest. I cry at the drop of the hat some days but most days are good. That is all I can ask for...  


 



Chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) causes a slow increase in white blood cells called B lymphocytes, or B cells. The cancerous cells spread from the blood marrow to the blood, and can also affect the lymph nodes or other organs such as the liver and spleen. CLL eventually causes the bone marrow to fail.
Chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) causes a slow increase in white blood cells called B lymphocytes, or B cells. The cancerous cells spread from the blood marrow to the blood, and can also affect the lymph nodes or other organs such as the liver and spleen. CLL eventually causes the bone marrow to fail.